Photo by Edit Sztazics on Unsplash
I honestly reckon I’ve spent most of my life 99% disconnected from my body. I’ve gone through periods of just not eating, being stagnant, little to no libido, addictions running wild, never getting enough sleep, just wear baggy clothes- yeah. Not glam. Basically giving up on myself and living totally in my head (bad ideas 101).
I think there are a lot of reasons that this can happen, maybe for some they have a good connection that gets forgotten about or pushed to the bottom of the priorities list. For me I can’t remember ever having it, and now the veil is starting to lift on why the heck it matters so much!
For me this is a massive healing journey not just for my physical body but for my spirit and my identity as well. As a kid I learned to switch off entirely from my body at the hands of physical abuse, as well as in the face of emotional abuse as well (a lovely little theme that has continued into my adult life!). That may seem odd, but when you ignore the signs your body is sending you like sweaty palms, knots in your stomach, increased heart rate- you’re again disconnecting yourself from your body as you push those sensations down and repeat the mantra “I am fine”.
So lately I’ve been going to the gym. It’s a group training gym that opened up next to our office, my coworkers tried it out first and then convinced me to join too. Aaaand also continue to harass me every day about whether I’m going or not. To the lazy me that is AWFUL, but I’m glad they do because it keeps me accountable!
Photo by Christian Fregnan on Unsplash
What’s crazy is that this has been one of the absolute best things I have ever done for myself. (She says, dreading the next session already!). Ha! I do have fear of going. But I know it’s just the call of my comfort zone, an enticing siren. The thing is, I know I have to go out there and get amongst it in order to grow.
It’s not just the benefits for my fitness / looking better in jeans that keep me going. In fact, I’m so lazy that I don’t think that would be motivating enough to get me there! It’s the fact that now I actually have a relationship with my body. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I can feel my muscles aching and I can’t block them out! I can feel the yearning for nutritious food and I am a total brat until I eat.
And there’s the self-worth boost that comes with it. As I leave the gym looking more sweaty and red-faced than ever I feel amazing, because I came here and I did this for me. No one else did this. I did this. It helps to bring you into alignment with your true self, because your true self wants you to be happy and healthy. On a healing from abuse note, I’ve found this is MASSIVE for healing cognitive dissonance after gaslighting. Something about going and sweating it out always leaves me 100% sure of my truth / ramps up the anti-bullshit shield to MAX POWER.
I just thought I’d share because its been such a powerful tool for me in feeling better emotionally. I’m learning to value myself, listen to my body, and step into my personal power.
Adding some regular exercise (especially with a social element) to your weekly routine can help you see yourself in a different light, where your strength and self-respect are evident. Would HIGHLY recommend to anyone recovering from emotional abuse of any kind. You deserve that you time! Also lovely bonus: dissolves anger like a berocca.
Lots of love,