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Being connected to your body

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Photo by Edit Sztazics on Unsplash

I honestly reckon I’ve spent most of my life 99% disconnected from my body. I’ve gone through periods of just not eating, being stagnant, little to no libido, addictions running wild, never getting enough sleep, just wear baggy clothes- yeah. Not glam. Basically giving up on myself and living totally in my head (bad ideas 101).

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I think there are a lot of reasons that this can happen, maybe for some they have a good connection that gets forgotten about or pushed to the bottom of the priorities list. For me I can’t remember ever having it, and now the veil is starting to lift on why the heck it matters so much!

For me this is a massive healing journey not just for my physical body but for my spirit and my identity as well. As a kid I learned to switch off entirely from my body at the hands of physical abuse, as well as in the face of emotional abuse as well (a lovely little theme that has continued into my adult life!). That may seem odd, but when you ignore the signs your body is sending you like sweaty palms, knots in your stomach, increased heart rate- you’re again disconnecting yourself from your body as you push those sensations down and repeat the mantra “I am fine”.

So lately I’ve been going to the gym. It’s a group training gym that opened up next to our office, my coworkers tried it out first and then convinced me to join too. Aaaand also continue to harass me every day about whether I’m going or not. To the lazy me that is AWFUL, but I’m glad they do because it keeps me accountable!

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Photo by Christian Fregnan on Unsplash

What’s crazy is that this has been one of the absolute best things I have ever done for myself. (She says, dreading the next session already!). Ha! I do have fear of going. But I know it’s just the call of my comfort zone, an enticing siren. The thing is, I know I have to go out there and get amongst it in order to grow.

It’s not just the benefits for my fitness / looking better in jeans that keep me going. In fact, I’m so lazy that I don’t think that would be motivating enough to get me there! It’s the fact that now I actually have a relationship with my body. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I can feel my muscles aching and I can’t block them out! I can feel the yearning for nutritious food and I am a total brat until I eat.

And there’s the self-worth boost that comes with it. As I leave the gym looking more sweaty and red-faced than ever I feel amazing, because I came here and I did this for me. No one else did this. I did this. It helps to bring you into alignment with your true self, because your true self wants you to be happy and healthy. On a healing from abuse note, I’ve found this is MASSIVE for healing cognitive dissonance after gaslighting. Something about going and sweating it out always leaves me 100% sure of my truth / ramps up the anti-bullshit shield to MAX POWER.

Nice.

I just thought I’d share because its been such a powerful tool for me in feeling better emotionally. I’m learning to value myself, listen to my body, and step into my personal power.

Adding some regular exercise (especially with a social element) to your weekly routine can help you see yourself in a different light, where your strength and self-respect are evident. Would HIGHLY recommend to anyone recovering from emotional abuse of any kind. You deserve that you time! Also lovely bonus: dissolves anger like a berocca.

Lots of love,

Steph xoxo

 

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Hello darls! Anyone for a cuppa?

Hey gorgeous babes! It’s been a while! It’s probably been a month, yet it feels like a year! I thought I’d write you a little love note from the edge of my bed this Sunday evening.

recent pics of me lahving these new high-waisted mum jeans I found at the salvos, and being a menace with my lil dog friend

When you’ve been hurt by someone important to you, you’ll understand the loneliness of healing.

The after-effects of an abusive relationship linger for months, and on your bad days it can be pretty painful.

Currently this scorpio is knee deep in the healing gunk. I very much feel like the caterpillar in the cocoon right now! Even with deep personal wounds to tend to, I also just left my job of 3.5 years and am on break before starting my new adventure. Same industry, different role. In the city now. Talking all day now. I’m very excited! I just know I’m in the right place, and the high energy is going to be amazing. I’m so excited to meet new friends and try new things and find new places. I’m ready to EXPAND.

Yet still,

That will be then. And this, is now.

Now I am enjoying journalling, rambling walks in the park, singing along too loudly when the songs speak my truth, meditating, and watching the world go by. Absolutely cherishing this time to be alone. To work through the shit that’s been flung into my face over the past 6 months. Cleansing this aura back to its natural state of radiating good vibes and funk music!

I’ve just started a new art journey (mis-spelled journal but I’m leaving it!), and after doing so much art on my computer its felt friggen liberating to go back to felt tip pens and twistable crayons. I’m super keen to share that with you! For now, here are a few doodles I created with adobe illustrator this week:

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I’ve still got oodles and oodles to learn about digital illustration, but by god it’s addictive and it’s been super fun getting to know more tricks through practice. I love getting up in the morning and making my coffee, getting my tablet, and drawing on my laptop while I listen to the news. I’m honestly a nanna! I’m really excited though about the idea of marrying my non-digital and digital skills together. I’ve got the art journal I’m currently filling up, but I also found a stack of ooooold old notepads from my years at my last job that are filled with drawings I did while waiting on hold or just procrastinating, and they’re special. I think I will be able to adapt these into a digital form and make some magic!

That’s all from me, folks! I’ll be back soon with some rainbow coloured nonsense.

Lots of love,

Steph xoxo

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A walk in the park

I called in sick this morning. I was feeling particularly under the weather thanks to my darling uterus, and generally unenthusiastic about life which means I’m definitely not myself! I turned the car around and made my way for home. Just as I was about to turn off the main road and into my street, I received an inspiration to not divert, keep going. I watched my street fly past me and I thought to myself “so where are we going?”. Instantly I thought of my favourite state park just 10 minutes away, so I plugged it into my google maps and off I went. And yep, I am that bad with directions! Thank god I was born in the time of sat nav because otherwise I’d probably waste 10 hours a week looking blankly at a map in my car and wishing for mercy! Anyway, I thought that just being amongst the trees would be lovely for a moment, and a walk would hopefully do me some good.

 

Total non plot twist: This was a GOOD idea! It was a Monday morning and there was no one else around. I got out of my car without my bag at first but I had to run back and grab my phone because the birds sounded so gorgeous! If you’d like a slice of Australian bush birdsong, click below:

 

 

 

Anyway I ended up having a lot of fun taking pictures, it was really delightful to be so silly and play like a kid, you know? And not to be completely over the top (as usual) but about 1 minute along the path I quickly went and laid down in the grass and gazed up at the blue sky framed by gumtree limbs. It felt sooooo gooooooood, nature is such a nice gal. It’s been too long and I’m going to make sure I get some time in beautiful natural places regularly.

 

I sat by the river, soaked it in, and laughed far more than a person should in a public place without a companion. I’m so glad that today turned out to have this simple perfect moment in it.

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I like this photo because is it just me or can you actually see the twinkle in my eye?! Rivers do that to me. You too, right?

 

This morning I am grateful for blue skies, the sound rivers make, birds talking to each other, the smell of the bush, soaking up sunshine. Coconut ice cream with chocolate fudge sauce. The best coffee EVER from a cafe right around the corner from my house! Rain in the morning while I’m in bed with my boo. Challenging (AND defeating!) all the dishes in the house! The happiness blend essential oil. Gala Darling’s podcast, and she’s coming to melbourne!! Eek!! Days spent painting and dreaming, taking time for myself, and desires falling into line without any effort on my part. Making my sister laugh, constructive conversations with Virgos, and mandarin lime flavoured ANYTHING.

 

What are you living for today, gorgeous folks? Make my day and leave a comment below!

 

Sending a tight bear hug with us both jumping on the spot at the same time,

 

-Steph xoxo

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Some small thoughts

Sleep on it

I’ve noticed in my past few evenings when I lay down in bed there is an ugly voice that whispers in my ear telling me to hide. I am flooded with shame and I want to jump up out of bed and delete every blog post I have published, and pray no one has seen what I’ve put out there. In years gone by I listened to that voice. I’ve wanted to start a blog for years and its strange to think how far I could have come by now if I hadn’t have let this intrusive shame have power over me! But this time, nah. This time I try something different. This time I don’t trust it, I tell it “shhhh, let’s sleep on it and we will see how we feel in the morning”. And each morning I wake up and feel so positive about this, even if it is a bit of an exercise in vulnerability. So if that voice visits you as well don’t listen to it, and if in doubt, err on the side of connection & expansion a.k.a: good courageous vibes yo

 

People get up and drive that funky soul

A few days ago on the drive home on an out of the blue inspiration I searched ‘James Brown’ in Spotify and hit play… of course I am now mildly obsessed. He has such ENERGY! I adore that he is so uplifting. Just through a recording he can reach through and make me dance with my arms out of the window as I’m stuck at the lights. He is an embodiment of confidence; he really doesn’t care about looking silly, and watching him go for it with his entire being means that anyone observing his performance gets lifted up with him. He reminds me that it’s no big deal to be seen, in fact it is fun and useful and its where magic happens. I am just so full of admiration for his positive energy and to think of how many people he must have helped in his life, just by being himself and sharing it, and having a blast.

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Chose it

This morning I lit incense as I put my face on and got ready for work, put on my funk tunes, and had an Abraham Hicks video playing in the background. I danced around my bedroom while singing to my dog and whipping my hair, only keeping my feet still so I could take a sip of my coffee. Earlier this week I was having a conversation with a work mate and we talked about how dramatic we used to be as teenagers, I confessed how negative I used to be and he told me about his Mum sitting him down at 17 and telling him that “no one can make you happy, you have to find the goodness and focus on it”. What an AMAZING parent! So this morning I made my own happiness. And I’m keeping it going. Today is a good day. Today is a good day. Today is a good day. Why? Because I chose it.

 

Get YOURS honey,

Steph xoxo

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10 Quick Ways To Feel Good Again

Some days in order to continue serving up realness and being your usual badass self you need to take 5 minutes for yourself and chill. If you’re having a shit one, try these actions to get you back on track and feeling amazing! Ready to smear your magic on the world once again.

 

1: Have a shower

Put on some funk music and get in your birthday suit! When I’m feeling a bit stuck or grumpy one of the things I love to do is hop in the shower and use it like I’m pressing a big reset button. Imagine that the water is washing your day away, cleansing you of any bullshit vibes you may have encountered. Make sure you’re stocked up in a body wash flavour you love! Even the discount range in my local supermarket has delicious vanilla / honey and coconut options that make my shower a whole lot more lush. Also I dance in the shower and attempt to look exactly like Beyonce waterbending, and I highly recommend.

Waterbending

 

2: Go or a walk

Grab your dog and an oversized pair of sunglasses and get out there! Make your way to your favourite park or walk around the block a couple of times. Put in your headphones and listen to a speaker you love on youtube, or an uplifting playlist. You could even set an intention for your walk! Like finding inspiration, releasing tension, you could even ask the universe to show you a cool bird while you’re out there. Sometimes just the fresh air, sunshine, and a change of scenery is enough.

 

3: Plan a holiday

I don’t know if its just me but planning a holiday always chops my timber! If I’m angry it’s “have a nice life losers I am out of here”, if I’m sad it’s “I will buy a ticket to a better place”, if I’m happy it’s “life is for the living- take my money!”. Even if (like me) you don’t have all the funds to book things, it is still uplifting to think about the possibilities and what you will do when the time is right. The other cool thing is that your holiday doesn’t have to be an epic Instagram clogging beast, there are HEAPS of more local things you can organise, and it will give you fabulous weekend plans to look forward to! It could be a weekend away with bae, a roadtrip with your funniest mates, a solo art retreat- what do you feel like?! Jump on Airbnb and get cracking!

 

4: Get some comedy into ya

How obvious does this sound, but I don’t know many people that use this! Last year I went through a big break up and quite a few of those sad nights were saved by stand up shows on Netflix. This is a bit of a cheats way to feeling good too because even if you are sobbing, if you can manage to switch on something funny you won’t be able to help but start laughing! Thank you, funny humans.

 

5: Do something silly

Finally, something I can write about with authority. Ha! Find a private space or grab a fun friend to shake it off with, and do a dance or make a face and a noise that no respectable adult should make! Tell a story about the underpants you’re wearing in a posh voice. Mime a song from the depths of your heart- some Whitney Houston perhaps? Walk around while lifting your feet as high as you can with each step. If you have access to music pop in the chicken dance or the ketchup song, or the Macarena! Sometimes we just take ourselves too seriously, and it’s surprisingly refreshing to act like a kid again. And no one has to know about it! It can be our little secret.

 

6: Meditate

Just do 5 minutes! Especially when you’re feeling frazzled, taking a few minutes to come back to centre and refocus on yourself can do wonders. There is oodles of relaxation music on youtube that you can listen to, and try just focusing on your breath going in cool and out warm. Gently let go of any thought that pops up and return to noticing your breath. Do this for five minutes and then jump back into your day with a calm mind. If you’re interested in starting a meditation practice I highly recommend the headspace app! It is subscription based one however if you use it daily or even a few times a week it’s worth it. They have easy to understand animations that teach you what to do, heaps of categories to choose from, and it tracks your progress so you can look back in a month and feel rightfully pleased with yourself.

 

7: Make a gratitude list

This is such a simple 2-minute activity but it can shift your attitude in a big way! Get out a piece of paper or your phone and list down everything you can think of that you’re grateful for. Just make sure that they are things from your real life in the past week (not that other more general things like the moon aren’t to be grateful for, but you probably won’t feel as strongly about that compared to the new shoes you just got). It feels a lot better to look around and find the things to appreciate than it does when you’re focusing on what other people have that you don’t. And your list should never be empty! If you can’t think of anything, walk through your house and give a gratitude tour. Point out things you love about the house, items that were a gift from a loved one, your favourite cooking utensil, something super cute you just had to have- whatever! I guarantee you’ll feel full to the brim of ‘my house is awesome vibes’.

 

8: Spruce yourself up

You know that on days you know you look good you exude more confidence, take less shit, and walk with a bit of a spring in your step. So why leave that feeling for special occasions? You could get a haircut or your nails done, buy a new piece of clothing that looks great on you, even just wear a colour you don’t usually! (I was packing my bag for a trip once and was shocked to find ALL of my favourite clothes I picked were blue! Shortly after I discovered that red really brings out my eyes). Taking some pride in your appearance sends the message to your subconscious mind that you care about and respect yourself, which is a lovely bonus to being lovely~

 

9: Talk to someone

Choose wisely because if you try this with a negative person it’s only going to make you feel worse. But otherwise, I find that having a chat with someone can really shift my energy! And you don’t have to wait for a guru to come along, making someone else laugh is magic as well! If something is bothering you have a bit of a vent, but aim to make the interaction beneficial for both of you.

 

10: Choose to feel better

In the end you can try all of these and not feel any different if you don’t want it to work or if you believe you deserve to be unhappy. You are worthy of ALL the blessings! You need to care about the way you feel and strive for it. If feeling happy is too far away right now, just take one step up on the ladder of emotions. When I’m feeling sad it’s a bit much to ask me to feel joyful, so instead I strive for something that feels more achievable, like anger. I don’t want to stay in anger long term but its certainly a more empowered state than being miserable! The key to having a good day though is to decide you’re in a good day, and create it. No one can do the inner work for you, you must do it by yourself and for yourself. The sunny side is waiting for you and cheering you on!

 

All my love and dad jokes,

 

Steph xoxo

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Vortex in my Cortex

I’m still finding my feet with this blog because I decided to do something crazy and begin before I felt ready. I’ve wanted to run a blog for years and I was always putting it off waiting for a great idea, until I had a moment when I realised that if I sit around waiting for my divine blogging purpose to come to me in a dream it may never happen! I realised it was far more likely I’d find my way while seeking it out and reaching for it.

 

So I think I want to write about the law of attraction & manifestation topics, which is really scary because I usually keep (most of) my hippie woo woo beliefs very private. But practicing being in the vortex is basically the juicier version of letting go of fear, and that’s what I was inspired to write about. This is me taking off a mask, y’all. Just trying to keep it real.

 

I feel pretty darn excited about this, it’s going to be really interesting to see where this goes and how much I can get in the vortex when I’m really working on it. To go from anxiety to confidence, doubt to belief, boredom to fun, lethargy to vitality, fear to laughter! Lets do this together, its going to be the best!

 

Love and sparkles,
Steph xoxo